I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
