Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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