and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
