So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
