Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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