I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize