spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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