how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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