I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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