remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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