I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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