Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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