My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
