So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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