i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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