You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
