One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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