I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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