This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
