Kareoke will never be a sober sport
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
