i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize