I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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