My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude i'm inner monologue high
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
