ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
