it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize