I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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