Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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