i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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