It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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