I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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