Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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