im six kinds of drunk right now
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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