Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
