doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
