Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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