My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
