is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
