I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
