I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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