hotel room ftw
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
