I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
