Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
