its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
