As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
