Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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