you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize