I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
