I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
