my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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