Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
