i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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