if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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