I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
