Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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