Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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