Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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