You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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