you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize