just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
