I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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