Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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