Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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