Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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