Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
