You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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