one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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