remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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