Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
